Let’s paint a scenario: There’s a girl named Joy, and Joy is dating a guy named Tom. Now Tom and Joy are young. Teens or young adults. Joy loves Tom with every cell in her body, would give her life for him without a second thought. Anything Tom needs, Joy is there ready to give. Her heart is in his hands, and Tom knows it. Tom loves Joy as well, but at the same time… Tom is a young man. Though he and Joy have been together since their younger years, he still wants to experience life. So Tom being Tom, he entertains other women, might have sex with them etc. Joy being Joy, she finds out and is upset that Tom has “side hoes” and is resentful at these other women… Joy is hurt, but she doesn’t leave Tom, she just accepts the other females and spazzes accordingly.
The above scenario is the weakest shit I’ve ever heard of, but it’s so common. Either you’ve been in Joy’s place before, put someone in Joy’s position, or you are currently in Joy’s situation. Don’t feel ashamed, that’s not the purpose of this post.
The Spirit of Loneliness
Joy, like many other young ladies are simply afraid of being lonely. They don’t want to be single. They don’t want to face the possibility of learning the difference between being alone and lonely. They want to be held, they want to be nurtured, appreciated, etc. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel that way, but to what extent is what matters the most. Are you so afraid of being lonely that you will sacrifice your dignity?
Age doesn’t define maturity, I know this. However it can define your expectations of dealing with men and women. Since I’m only 19, I think it’s very rare when you find someone who doesn’t want to actively date, doesn’t want to deal with a plethora of people etc. Some people are my age or younger looking for husbands&wives already when the people they seek haven’t even figured out how to live on their own, pay bills, set goals, accomplish the goals, etc. I see young ladies force these young men into these super-committed relationships with no idea of who they are as an individual person yet, and it’s SAD.
You know what ladies, people only do what you allow them to do. That doesn’t excuse anyone’s actions of mistreating you, but let’s put some things into perspective: If you know you’re not a guy’s ONLY object of affection, why do you girls get mad at the girl he’s messing with? I’ve seen girls subtweet and argue via Twitter with the “extras” but won’t say anything to old dude…. It’s like some females have this big misconception of what’s acceptable for a man to do in a relationship, and cheating or having side b*tches is one of them.
Love Yourself FIRST
Love is patient, love is kind. But ladies, if you don’t love yourself first, then you’ll always be miserable. Some women really put up with any kind of treatment just because they’re afraid to be single. If only ya’ll knew that being single isn’t the end of the world.
If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? You’re a QUEEN. You’re a GODDESS. Specifically put on this Earth to make the world a better place, and little do you know, you DESERVE to be treated with the utmost respect and honor. If someone you love can’t do that, then give yourself some time to let it go. However, the longer you wait to let toxic relationships go, the more damaged you will become.
The moment you start loving yourself first, the better life will get.
As for Joy and Tom, time went on, and Joy got tired..she figured out how to love herself… so she finally let Tom go.
And she’s been happier ever since.
Maybe some of ya’ll should follow Joy’s lead…