It’s Not You, It’s Me….

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M O N O G A MY.

In my simple definition, this is a word that means that when you are in a relationship with someone, you deal with them exclusively. No having sex with other people. No separate relationships. No situationships. No cheating. Just you, and your partner.

I’ve often heard people say that monogamy is something that is forced upon humans, that it’s not in our nature to be with just one person. To be quite honest, I don’t care to do enough research on that matter to prove if it’s true or not.

Right now I’m single. And it’s all my fault… I won’t go into details too much, but let’s just say I had a great guy, and I fucked it up.

And while he was willing to forgive me, I just couldn’t stay with him knowing I have issues that no one can fix except me. He deserves better. And better he shall get.. one day.

But anyways….

Let me start off by saying that in no shape, form, or fashion am I perfect. I think that when we get into relationships with people, we have unrealistic expectations of them. We don’t give people any room to make mistakes, or learn from them. We say we accept someone flaws and all, but do we really?

I say no. It’s hard for us as people to accept ourselves, let alone other people.

So while I’m no relationship guru, here are a series of questions I’ve been asking myself lately…

If you’re reading this, maybe you can ask yourself these questions too.

Are you real enough to admit that you’re not worthy of the person you’re with because you got issues that they can’t understand or fix?

I seem like a great person to be in a relationship with on the surface. I’m intelligent, positive, affectionate, supportive, blah blah blah. But I know the person I was with deserves so much better than what I could offer him. He deserves better because I battle some internal struggles that he *tried* to understand, but couldn’t. Truth be told, I am not sure how I want to be loved, because I never let anyone get that close enough… Maybe I did once in my past, but as of lately, nope.

Are you real enough to face yourself? To fix yourself so that the person you’re with can stop getting treated so wrong?

I’m trying to face myself.. Hence, why I am single. To be single is NOT the end of the world. But it does take some getting used to. We were together for a long time. I miss him. But facing my demons is much more important than any relationship.

Are you honest enough to tell the person who loves you the most that in reality, you don’t match any of their expectations?

If you’re looking for perfection or good… Don’t look this way. I have tried, and on the surface I’ve succeeded. But internally is another person… If you *know* you’re not being true to yourself, let the person who loves you know that… or don’t. It’s totally up to you.

Are you real enough to admit that you’re fucked up? Are you real enough to fix those things?

The bullshit line that therapists tell you is “the first step is admitting you have a problem.” What they should follow up with is “are you real enough to fix it?” because… who wants to dwell on their short comings all the time? I get tired of talking about how *horrible* of a person I am, I actually want to *do* something about it.

Are you real enough to eventually see them love someone else & someone love them better than you did because when you had them you didn’t know how?

The moving on stage. At this point, I’m not ready for it at all, I mean.. I am a jealous person ya know? But I know one day that time will come.  And I’m gonna have to suck it up and deal with it, because if I had known better, I would’ve done better.

Did you know that the answers to your issues cannot be found in other people? Did you know that it is not THEIR job to FIX you?

Fairy tales made us think that the one we love is supposed to save us from all the horrible things we’ve been through. It’s a cute idea, but in my opinion, that couldn’t be the furthest thing from the truth. Not gonna lie, I have expected people to save me.. but that’s unfair to them.

OTHER THINGS I’VE REALIZED..

The most flawed people want the most love. Truth be told, most of us flawed people wouldn’t know love if it smacked us in the face.

We want love, but we run from it, or we fuck it up when we get it. What’s wrong with us? What’s wrong with me?

Are you okay with knowing that YOU are possibly the reason why someone will be hesitant to love again?

“Everything that looks good isn’t good for you”

Are you real enough to admit that that saying applies to YOU?

All of that is probably sounding like a Drake album. But I do think that flawed people deserve to be loved, because everyone is flawed out here. However, if we can’t love ourselves or face ourselves then…. [Ya’ll fill in the blank]

Have you ever went through a break up?

What are your thoughts on monogamy?

Do you think your current or past partner(s) deserve better?

What did you think of this post?

Vent to my comments!

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2 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me….

  1. I want to vent in your comments, I really do. But I’m actually posting a blog later today on this very same issue. And I don’t want to overload your comments.

    But, in short:
    Yes, my last break up was exceedingly harsh and had serious repercussions in many facets of my life.
    Monogamy is great, and beautiful…and yet at the same time, as a people person, I deal with a lot of great and interesting people that (unconsciously) influence my interpretation of what a relationship truly means. I am told that I am charming, and women gravitate towards that. While, I am never aware of that fact itself (mostly), I do see the good and the bad that it has done in different areas of my life.

    As I am always growing, evolving, and taking steps to become greater, I want to say that I definitely believe that anyone from my past relationships deserve better. I was so deeply flawed that my flaws had flaws. And just when I thought I had gotten the hang of those flaws, I realized that there were even deeper flaws that affected my capacity to have a relationship.

    I loved the post. As always, you are an incredibly talented writer, and you are only getting better as the calendar flips pages.

    Like

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