You find yourself in the middle of your floor, once again wiping your tears of heartbreak, frustration and anger.
Here you go again, crying over the same old shit.
You can’t call on your friends because they’ve listened to you until they reached their own breaking point and to be honest, they are tired of giving you advice you refuse to take.
“You gotta leave him alone” is what keeps replaying in your head, something that has been told to you countless of times and something that you told yourself more than a million times before.
But you can’t.
You seem to have an unbreakable addiction to someone who is simply no good for you.
You go through the tortuous cycle of saying you’re done and you even keep your word to yourself for a couple days, weeks, even months and then suddenly that person may call or text or ya’ll might talk because you initiated the conversation and suddenly everything you said you wouldn’t do goes out the window.
Of course you’re drained emotionally behind this, but no matter what– you can’t seem to close this chapter in your life.
Your personal situation may not be exactly what I described above, but I know for a fact that if you are reading this, you may have issues in ending certain things and moving forward.
I will also say that it is something incredibly terrifying about letting someone go.
Toxic people are kind of like our favorite books: We keep re-reading the same stories over and over again because we feel connected to the characters, we know the entire story line and plot twists and overall, its honestly a good read. We can curl up with that book anytime we please and even though we may read other books from time to time, we come back to our favorite because we enjoy the familiarity of it.
Something else I have noticed is that most of us have a hard time letting toxic people go because of all the time and the energy we’ve invested into them.
To put it simply, you may feel like if you leave them alone for good then that means you have wasted your time. You may not want to see them with anyone else, because you feel that no one deserves to know them like you do, feel what you’ve felt from them, or simply be able to bask in their presence. You may have been their shoulder to cry on, their ear when they needed someone to vent to, their number 1 supporter in all their endeavors, and so on and so forth. You feel like you built them up so you stay, going against everything your mind is telling you.
But… there’s always that little tiny voice in your head.
You know deep down inside that person doesn’t deserve you.
You know deep down inside you should treat yourself better.
So where do you find that strength?
Where do you find the balls to end things before it ends you?
First things first: Be real and I mean really be R E A L with yourself and acknowledge that you settled bruh. Stop sugar coating the situation and shed the light on what’s REALLY going on.
Here are a few things I constantly have to remind myself so that I can keep moving forward:
- The amount of time you have spent with someone should not be an excuse for their mistreatment. Stop holding on to those pleasant memories because you refuse to face reality. As a habitual daydreamer, I’ll be the first to let you know that you can’t live in fairy tale land forever. When people show you their true colors, believe them!
- Stop thinking you need closure! Sometimes you have to leave situations and people exactly where they are. You may be “done” but the moment you tell yourself that you need closure will be the moment that you re-open the exact same door you were struggling to close. Toxic people are experts at emotional manipulation, so they know exactly what to do or say to keep you in their life.
- Stop putting yourself in the position to make the same old mistakes. Nobody is perfect and we all have slip ups, but you must be able to hold yourself accountable as well. Discipline yourself! So for a while, you may not be able to kick it with that toxic person, hang out in the same friend group, respond to their phone calls or texts or be friends with them on social media. Your best bet is to stay away from them until you are completely out of your vulnerable state.
- If you are a praying person, you must CONSTANTLY pray that you stay strong and break your addiction to this toxic person. Pray for your heart to be healed and for your mind to stay sane. Allow God to fix the emotional damage you’ve experienced. There are a lot of things I KNOW I can’t handle on my own no matter how hard I try, so I had to learn to leave it at God’s feet.
- Lastly, you have to forgive them AND yourself. Forgiving them will truly free you from the situation, but that does not mean they deserve to be back in your life.Set your boundaries! In the spirit of accountability, you must forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be mistreated for however long and settling for less than what you knew you deserved.
- I’ll conclude by saying this: There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving someone unconditionally. But when that love you have for someone else is compromising your sanity, morals, and own self value, then its best to end it before it ends you!