We Are Not OK

forest-creatures-woodlands
I am so tired of us getting murdered.. 

So on my way to work this morning, I tweeted this:

It is literally exhausting being Black at a PWI right now. To navigate these classrooms day by day surrounded by those who just don’t understand why we are upset, angry and feeling hopeless.. to have to comfort fellow classmates, colleagues and friends from having mental breakdowns cuz they are just so tired of the bs. 

It’s so easy for other folks to tell us to oh turn off the tv, get off social media, choose not to see color, etc.

But we can’t ignore it.

How can we ignore constant images and videos of our people getting senselessly murdered for simply existing?  How are we supposed to sleep peacefully at nigh knowing that at ANY given moment one of us or one of our friends/fam could be next?

We don’t HAVE the PRIVILEGE of ignoring this shit. So fuck you if you don’t get it.

Ya’ll tell us all lives matter but what the hell are you doing on behalf of everybody else?

And then to navigate this campus and these work spaces and having to hear people try to justify these murders…

That’s the sickest part.

And then ya’ll wanna bring it up in casual conversation, asking me what I think. Watching me to see if Imma explode. But of course I have to hold my composure cuz I’m either at work or in class and I can’t break down or be angry in public.

But they just go back to smiling and laughing and ignoring stuff. I guess that’s how it is when you know your life matters.” @KiaSmithWrites

I’m not gone lie to ya’ll. I am all out of answers. In some instances, I feel completely hopeless. To see people who look like me death’s constantly get regurgitated on my timelines is enough to make me go insane. It’s like no matter what we do or say, if a cop wants to kill us, he or she will and to make matters WORSE, absolutely NOTHING will happen to them… Except paid leave. Protection from society. And the best lawyers that money can buy to get them off error free.

Meanwhile, the rest of us black folks are just in SHAMBLES, trying to keep our composure around people who don’t even get it. And its not that we are seeking sympathy but I just wish people would stop telling us that we are making a big deal out of nothing and then give us reasons why all these men, women and children basically deserved to die.

That’s insulting!

It’s infuriating!

And quite frankly,

It’s bullshit.

I’m not sure why the world hates us. I’m not sure what type of sick ass satisfaction the world gets from killing us. We done marched, fought back, protested and did everything in the book to try and stop this and its like nothing is working.

We can’t say that the system is broken, its actually working exactly like it was intended to.

I’m not okay ya’ll. We aren’t okay. I commend us for trying to be strong and resilient like we’ve always been, but something truly has to give.

May you all practice self care and unplug if necessary,

I’m out.

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For Colored Girls Who Considered Giving Up When Things Got Too Tough

For Colored Girls

Hey girl,

How’s it going?

I mean, how is it REALLY going?

You’re stressed and overwhelmed with life right now ain’t you?

Don’t feel too bad, because we’ve all been there before. And in my most soothing, reassuring voice as possible, I’m here to tell you that it will be okay.

See, with the new school year starting I can understand the anxiety that comes along with wanting to perform well academically, pay your bills and rent on time, adjusting to a healthy work/socializing schedule and still figuring out time for you, your significant other and your family.

With so many of us coming from complex backgrounds we find ourselves complaining about adulting and looking for the nearest spot to turn in our resignation letter. If no one else gets it, understand that I truly do.

Thinking about my own journey, I reflect on a period of my life where not too long ago, I was so stressed and consumed with negativity that I felt like I lost myself. I felt like I was working soooooo much yet never had enough money to do anything besides pay my bills and even that wasn’t as consistent and as timely as I had wanted it to be. I was emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally TIRED and it still amazes me how I made it thru this summer.

Last week was my first week of class and nothing quite says “Welcome to Senior Year 2.0” better than some trying situations that really test your patience.

With as much adversity as I had been through in my life, I began to question if this life was even meant for me to live. Luckily, I snapped out of it and began to take another, more positive approach to the bullshit life dealt me.

First things first, I decided to start setting themes + intentions on the 1st of each month. August’s theme was “Patience + Perseverance” and those two things were certainly tested. But in the end I learned that great things take time and eventually, everything will work itself out. Despite the small amount stress that did occur, I am thankful that I didn’t have a major breakdown and that I learned to set my boundaries.

This month’s theme is to “Just Go For It” and its basically all about taking those leaps of faith that are necessary in order to grow. I’m a victim of self doubt and though I have so many dreams and aspirations, I am guilty of talking myself out of them just because I’m afraid of failure.

So I say all this to say sis:

  1. Yes, you are a strong woman.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t feel like bending from time to time. Usually the greatest tragedies birth the greatest victories

  2.I BELIEVE in you.

And no, I don’t have to know you, kick it with you or even know your name to do so. We don’t hear people telling us that they believe in us, and sometimes that’s all we need to hear to keep going. So if no one has told you lately, or if someone has never told you at ALL, I BELIEVE in you.

3.You’re actually doing much better than what you give yourself credit for.

You gotta learn how to celebrate how far you’ve come and where you are now so you can rejoice hard as hell in the future. So whatttttt things aren’t quite how you imagined them to be, at least you’re still striving.

4. None of what is going on is happening in vain.

I’m a firm believer in protecting your energy and that includes protecting yourself from your own negative thoughts! Do you think God would have brought you THIS far, just to be like “Okay, you can stop now” ? Of course not. This struggle that you are going through will be so worth it in the end.

5. Rely on your support system

When we are going through things, its not healthy to isolate ourselves and dwell alone. Whether your support system is an online community you’re apart of on social media or some of your closest homies, please reach out to them and allow them to help you if they can. We all need those motivating “keep-going and keep-your-shit-together” pep talks from the ones we love.

6. No matter how hard things get, giving up is NOT an option. 

You can’t give up girl. There will be harder obstacles in life that you have to deal with but just because things seem unbearable NOW doesn’t mean that they will always be this way. You have to stay positive and press forward cuz guess what: If you give up now, then that little girl who admires the hell out of you will think it’s okay to give up too. And we can’t be out here misguiding the babies now can we?

 

Moral of the story: You got this. I believe in you. And I’m so proud of you. Repeat those things and more to yourself each day until you start to believe it.

Love,

– A colored girl who considered giving up when things got too tough.

* So, what type of things do you do or say to stay motivated? Talk to me in the comments!*

* Want my opinion or advice on something? Email me whether its anonymously or whatever at kiasmithwrites@gmail.com and I’ll answer it on my blog*