“I will ruin your life.” he boldly stated to me through a text message.
Confused and thinking it was a joke, I tried to convince him that we should act on our feelings but he refused, insisting that we not cross that line and ignored me until I eventually forgot about him.
It felt so harsh back then, but I completely get it now.
Let’s talk about urges and how every urge does NOT need to be acted on.
In my lifetime, I have met many men who aren’t perfect. They ain’t trynna be perfect and while perfection is non-existent, they are also trash enough to ruin your life if you let them.
Ironically, I found myself attracted to these type of men and while some of them were completely honest about their intentions, it was me who decided I didn’t want to listen, it was me who decided that I could magically change them, it was me who decided I wanted to play with fire anyway lol.
And then one day… I grew up.
My logical side kicked in and I had to realize that just because I may be feeling someone, doesn’t mean I need to act on it. Sometimes it’s better to pretend that those feelings don’t exist because to act on those feelings would be like opening up Pandora’s Box and if you know anything about Pandora’s Box, you know that once it’s opened it becomes a bunch of shit you can’t handle.
In essence, no matter how salty you may be, you literally should THANK the person you wanted real bad but they rejected you. You don’t want your life ruined sis. TRUST ME.
Playing with fire is not always worth it and honestly, start L I S T E N I N G when people tell you who they are. You will save yourself a world of stress, headache, confusion and any other negative emotion you can think of. DISCERNMENT (1 of my favorite words) is key here.
Moral of the story: Thanks my guy, for not ruining my life…
Don’t be alarmed. I’m not actually going to stop writing.
But I won’t sit up here and lie to you and say that the thought has never crossed my mind and that sometimes I feel insecure about my writing.
I’ll even be honest enough with you and tell you that at this very moment as I’m typing this, I am cringing because I can’t believe that I let myself get suckered into thinking that I need social media popularity to validate my gift as a writer.
I know ya’ll are wondering what the hell I’m talking about so here it goes:
Ever since I dropped my post How Do I Get My Magic Back? and it went a little viral, it has been hard for me to write anything that can top that. This post led to so many shares, so many texts and emails from people that I knew and didn’t know, all expressing their feelings about me being so transparent. Never have I ever wrote something like that and received so much attention for it.
A couple weeks later I dropped another post, but it wasn’t as popular (or so it seems) like the previous one. January rolled around and I realized that I was 5 years in the blog game and so I had to plan something for that. Along came a photo shoot, an official logo and the beginning stages of my t-shirt line.
Recently I dropped a post and to my surprise, it barely received any recognition on social media like I hoped. So letting my pessimistic side take over, I began to wonder was it something that I was doing wrong? I started thinking of different marketing strategies, checking my page stats, looking at my Twitter impressions, revamping my Facebook like page here and there. I even thought about purposely writing more transparent stuff but that didn’t feel genuine and I didn’t want my lived experiences to be a corny ass marketing tool. I basically over-thunk myself into a frenzy, thus questioning should I stop writing since it seemed that no one was paying attention anyway.
It was hard for me to even type that sentence because as someone who swears up and down that I write to save my own damn life, I know it’s foolish to think that the impact my words have on people don’t even matter.
And then I began to wonder am I narcissistic for wanting people to fuck with my writing?
Is going viral every time I write something really that deep?
As I’ve been telling my therapist lately, my pessimistic and optimistic side are constantly at war with each other and some days I really don’t know who to listen to.
Then today, my logical side finally kicked in and gave myself a pep talk of some sorts.
No matter what type of creative person you are, maybe you can use this too.
It’s okay to feel insecure sometimes.
When your job relies on a social media presence or you simply are keeping up with the times and using technology to keep up with people, it’s quite common to feel a lil bit of envy. I look at other successful bloggers and writers and wish that I was them sometimes but the thing is, I have no idea what type of work or sacrifices they’ve had to make to go into their brand. I would love to have their awards and recognition but truth is, I have a lot more hard work to do before I get on their level.
That being said, I have to be confident in knowing that I am impacting who I am SUPPOSED to impact, even when I can’t see it.
You never know who is watching. More often than not, especially on social media, people are silent supporters watching your every move.
Don’t try to be the next version of nobody, just strive to be a better you each day.
Social media will lead us to believe that we want these people’s lives. Truth is, we don’t. If you can’t handle your own good and bad then how can you handle someone else’s. Just keep working on your craft. It’s cool to admire people and even ask them what steps did they take to get there, but at the end of the day, you are your own unique person.
Sometimes you can’t measure it, but you must keep the faith and press forward knowing that someone, somewhere needed your words when they didn’t have their own.
Every post ain’t gone go viral. You may get only one retweet on Twitter. People may scroll past your shit on Snapchat. But none of that matters. As long as you (I) keep writing, keep practicing and keep trying… then that’s all that matters. Even if only ONE person is impacted by what you have to say, then you’ve done your job.
Popularity fades but authenticity will last forever.
Something that has been heavy on my heart and mind lately is the importance of protecting my energy and not allowing toxic thoughts and people into my literal and figurative space.
If you are my friend in real life or if you just follow me on social media, you’ll hear/see me reflect a lot on the previous year and how unhappy I was and all most of the reasons why.
While it’s easy to place the blame on others, something I had to learn was that it takes two to tango, meaning that sometimes you are responsible for your own misery. Once you realize that you have a hand in your own misery, you then have to hold yourself accountable and actually DO something about it.
Looking at certain patterns in my life, I have noticed that this season is distraction season. What does this mean? Well, distraction season is:
A season where old people and situations will try to pop back up.
A season where new people with bad intentions will latch on and suck you dry.
A season where so many other problems will occur.
In other words, the devil is busy.
Per usual lol.
So, how do you stay focused during this season? Well…..
#1 Re-examine your goals. Adjust. Execute.
Something that has been keeping me on track is me going back and reading all the goals I outlined for myself this year. I take an inward survey to see how feasible they are at the moment and then adjust them if necessary. After I do that, I come up with a plan to execute it, even if it’s the smallest step possible.
#2 Minimize your distractions.
As I said earlier in the post, sometimes we are responsible for our own misery, especially when we don’t utilize good decision making. If you know that you shouldn’t be around certain people or that you shouldn’t be browsing on certain social media pages, then cut the distraction. Some people may look at this as avoiding the situation but at the end of the day, it’s YOUR energy you’re trying to protect.
#3 – Use your discernment.
Look at the patterns in your life. Be cognizant of what season you are in. Trust your gut. If it doesn’t feel right then most likely it ain’t right.
#4 – Boundaries: Get them. Set them.
We are all prone to getting distracted sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t set boundaries to minimize the effects distractions will have on us. Setting boundaries goes along with good decision making which goes along with discernment. If you have those 3 things in hand, I believe that the effects of a distraction will be a little less harmful and possibly completely avoided altogether.
All in all, I just want us all to take heed.
I’m personally at a point in my life where I know I can’t engage in everything and protecting my energy ain’t just some shit I’m tweeting for Twitter. I’m really working at this shit, because I can’t afford to be distracted by the same ole dumb shit over and over.
Look at your own life. What season are you in? Do you notice any patterns or situations from previous years before? How do you refocus when you’ve been distracted?
If you know me you know that I love statement tees, especially Pro-Black ones. For the last couple of years I have dreamed of dropping a t-shirt line based on certain things I say, and other inspirational things that come to mind.
The first installment of my line is the Super Power Series. This series will proudly display different occupations, ethnicities and other things people are proud of with shirts that read I’m a ___________, What’s Your Super Power?. This year, you can expect to see many different designs and concepts, thanks to my awesome designer @AJ773.
For now, this shirt will be available in tees, tanks, crewnecks, and hoodies via the Teespring website. In the future, I do plan to have an official online store where people can have a variety of options to choose from when they shop, but for now, I want to reach my goal of selling the first 50 shirts before I move forward.
Above are some screenshots of the designs. Each item comes in 3 colors: Black, red, and green.
If you have any tips, tricks or advice on creating a t-shirt line please don’t hesitate to drop a comment or email me!