The Journey To Focus On Self

Ice Cream Party

Log on to any social media site and all you will hear and see is how after any breakup, you just gotta shift gears, get yo money up, and ultimately… focus on yourself.

But how come we never talk about how hard the latter part is, focusing on yourself?

Yeah, it sounds good and oh so easy, but lemme tell you… it’s not. It’s hard as fuck.

I’m not that self-absorbed. While focusing on myself is indeed important, I won’t deny that loneliness sets in and when it all comes down to it, I simply desire to give and receive love. I desire partnership, I desire to be able to reciprocate what’s been poured into me and vice versa.

Maybe I feel this way because a majority of the people in my closest friend group are in these beautiful, perfectly imperfect relationships with people who love on them so well. I can honestly say that I am so happy for them but that small feeling that I keep hidden 98% of the time makes me wonder when will my time come? I want to be loved on and love on somebody correctly. I want someone I can share my good news with.

Of course, I have my supportive friends and family to give and reciprocate love to, share good news with and that good stuff, but I can’t deny that I want to be romantically involved with someone who is just as excited, invested and happy about all the good things I have going on in my life.

But alas, here I am focusing on myself.

Or at least I’m trying really, really hard.

I get distracted easily and disappointed even more.

And that’s just how it is when you’re young, trying to date and trying to get a strong grasp on your identity I suppose.

You meet somebody, y’all get a good bond going and then boom. Something happens where y’all gotta grow apart from each other. And you may be left with an empty feeling until you move on to the next person just to repeat the same cycle.

Focusing on yourself is such a hard journey, an intense process. I wish more people would talk about how hard it is. I wish people would talk about how frustrating it is to constantly go through the same cycles, their fuck ups, their fumbles, and the never-ending loneliness you feel.

Naw, relationships don’t validate you but you might be lying to yourself if you don’t think that healthy, positive partnerships make life a little more worthwhile.

Focusing on yourself requires a lot of work. And figuring out what that looks like for me, what it looks like for you is irritating, to say the least. It’s the arduous labor that isn’t always as simple as getting yo coins up or doing nice things for yourself.

What I had to realize tho, it’s not a crime to want to feel wanted (in the RIGHT way, not the superficial way).

It’s not a crime to want someone to make you smile, someone to share good news with, or anything else partners are great for.

Usually, when we desire those things, we tend to creep back to the past but it’s like if you call that person’s phone, or hang out with them, then you’re back at square one and faced with the reason why you gotta focus on yourself in the first place. *eye roll

Lmao. This shit is frustrating, but most journeys are.

 

But you know what, it’s okay to be human. Wanting certain things yet choosing to focus on yourself are not mutually exclusive. You ain’t gotta choose one or the other. You can only navigate this journey the best way you know how.

And just understand that you aren’t the only person that’s having a hard time focusing on their self.

2 thoughts on “The Journey To Focus On Self

  1. Kia,
    You really hit on a lot of points that I am currently going through. It is hard because you try to focus on your goal (trying to get back in school, lose weight, etc.). But you miss talking to them everyday. But I’m learning things can’t be forced. So that pushes me to put myself first

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes indeed. I appreciate your transparency, Kia. Great post.

    I must say that I’m at the point of focusing on myself because my last shituation(yes, shituation), forced me into this chapter. I keep busy. I do things for myself as well as loved ones. I work, travel, do new things. And I honestly don’t feel lonely. It bothers me a bit that I’ve gotten so comfortable being single and doing my own thing. But I, too, hope for a companion that can love in the ways I need and allows me to do the same for him, but nothing less. I’ve had enough of less.

    Thanks for letting me share. Trust that time is on your side and will deliver.

    Liked by 1 person

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