Your Situationship Is Your Fault

Your situationship is your fault 1

Leave it to The Shade Room to spark a controversial debate. Last week, they posted this picture below and it had all my Group Me Chats lit! Not to mention the thousands of comments the post itself received, it was extremely interesting and sad to see the varying perspectives on this picture.

Here’s the thing: Regardless of how which side you fall on, you both are right.

Let me borrow your eyes for a sec so I can explain.

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To the men who claim they don’t want a relationship, the goofy ass “a bond is better than a title” type guy, the fella that acts more inconsistent than a woman’s emotions when she’s on her monthly cycle, I am talking directly to YOU when I say this:

You ain’t shit.

To say you don’t want a relationship yet you expect or accept relationship benefits makes you trash. Not only are you bogus, but to agree with the first statement in the pic what you’re doing is emotional abuse as well.

A woman will make it clear about what she wants (which is commitment). Ya’ll will say “Nah, I’m not looking for a relationship” but conveniently leave out the part where you want to be her only sex partner, stay at her house 3 times a week, go out on dates, have her around your closest friends and family AND ON TOP OF THAT, dump your emotional baggage on her cuz you know that she’s the only person besides yo bald headed ass mama that will listen to you.

But nah. You don’t want a relationship. *side eye*

Do ya’ll see how dumb that sounds? Ya’ll act like this because ya’ll are scared. And selfish. And so emotionally bankrupt that ya’ll lack the honesty and overall capacity to think of anyone besides yourself. It’s like damn, what lil girl in 3rd grade hurt your feelings and now your grown ass can’t get over it? Go seek therapy you fucking psycho.

If you don’t want a relationship, make sure your actions align with what you’re saying.

You can’t say you just wanna have sex but then at some point you move a little slower at going to the bathroom to wash off, put your clothes back on and go home. Ya’ll start contacting her outside of “booty call hours” to talk her ear off about your long ass day. You and her start going outside on dates like ya’ll go together. Some of ya’ll fools even slip up and say ya’ll love the chick. But the moment she brings up getting serious, you go back to the “I don’t want a relationship” bullshit as if you haven’t been carrying on like you’ve been in one for months.

Once that happens, the young lady’s crazy switch is turned on and I use the word “crazy” loosely. Men always call us crazy but refuse to acknowledge the emotional abuse, gas lighting and ghosting that contributes to that.

Moral of the story men: If you don’t want something serious make sure your actions align with that. Don’t be purposely confusing, it can’t possibly be that hard to find someone on the same page as you. If you find yourself in some unnecessary drama, understand it’s your fault.

On to the ladies.

Cuz we ain’t so innocent either.

Sis, you can’t cry and complain about this man walking in and out your life literally fucking with you whenever he feels like it without acknowledging that you’re the one who keeps opening up the door and giving him the keys sis!

Like shorty in the tweet said, if he made himself clear, it is now your responsibility to leave him the hell alone. Don’t leave it up to him to let you know about his trash intentions. However, if his actions say a completely different thing than his mouth I understand where the confusion comes from. Confusion leads to a bunch of dumb ass, clown ass, decisions. Now you’ve been finessed into keeping a goofy around.

I rarely ever call ya’ll dumb but in all honesty, it is dumb AF to think that sex, loyalty, good food and emotional support will make somebody change their minds. I hate whoever socialized women into making us believe that not only do we have to stretch ourselves thin and go through hell and back, but we also gotta wait on a mf to wake up and see that we are worthy enough to be their girlfriends?!?!


Find you some self-esteem because that line of thinking has got to go! You’re the prize sis! Act like it!

Another reason that the situationship you’re in is your fault is that you are not holding yourself accountable and you refuse to set boundaries and actually stick to them. If that mf doesn’t want to love you openly, honestly and in YOUR love language, then there’s nothing left to talk about. Block him.

If affection and sex are what you desire then buy yourself a teddy bear, pay a visit to your nearest sex store and make it work.

“But Kia it’s not the same,” you think to yourself while reading this.

Well, I know it’s not but I also don’t care.

You wanna know another reason why this is your fault? Because you keep making up a million reasons to keep fuckin with someone you KNOW isn’t good for you, thus contributing to your own misery.

I don’t care if his dog died, the plant ran away and he’s been eating Ramen noodles for the past week, tell that mf to call on God and block his number.

If you keep finding yourself in the same predicament, search within and realize that you are apart of the problem sis!

Moral of the story: I just want us all to do better! In a perfect world, I dream that men and women will be able to sit down with one another and clearly communicate what it is that they are looking for. If neither party is able to come to an agreement, both should be able to walk away.

Now that you know how the situations we find ourselves in are (y)our fault, the better question is what are you going to do about it?



Have you ever been in a situationship? How did it start and how did it end? What were some dumb reasons you made up to justify the continuation of dealing with them? What do you think of the picture posted on The Shade Room? Which side are you on? Talk to me in the comments and let me know 

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  1. Girl you knocked down someones door with this post! Situationships are complicated, emotional, and draining. Hopefully this will help both women and men see the light.

  2. I completely agree with you. Telling a woman you don’t want a relationship isn’t enough if your actions prove otherwise. It’s confusing. Don’t accept the A1 treatment if you don’t want the woman. Simple.

  3. Hey Roombae!

    So here’s my take on it … I agree with one of the comments below regarding said, blame game! It’s a lot of name calling and bashing that I believe will make it difficult for ppl to receive the msg … women have been socialidd and so have men. Every man that knows that doesn’t want a relationship is not intentionally trying to emotionally abuse a woman. Most times when people have a privilege that they don’t necessarily have to work for they accept that privilege because it works in their favor . And that goes for EVERYBODY! The whole, who hurt you in 3rd grade … could very much so be factual! But it could also have been the abusive mother, it could have also been a female guardian who sexually abused him … there is more to it than meets the eye . A lot of men are socialized to be this way just like we are socialized into accepting it and it’s going to take people learning about what it means to be socialized and look at their decisions and behaviors on a larger scale .

    Also, I believe actual relationships can be this way as well! Not just situationships. People say they wanna be your boyfriend, love on you, sleep with you AND STILL DONT BE READY! Lol.. so I think it comes more down to INDIVIDUAL experiences and not general men and women behavior because the truth is : I’ve been the “man” that you speak of in this post , as well as the “woman” … I’ve accepted all the benefits that have come with dealing with someone and not wanting a relationship with them and I’ve also stayed in a situation shop/relationship knowing I was being emotionally abused and used ..

    All and all good post! I feel like you were more so venting about your own personal experiences and your own feelings opposed to seeing everything from multiple perspectives! Proud of you! Love you.

    1. Heyyyy! Love you more! You always make me think. Thanks for your perspective. ✨ I think at some point or another we have been in either situation what matters most is how we move forward once we learn and do better.

  4. Dope, write up Kia: “Situationships” are what they are. I believe they are a necessary cost of tuition when pursuing love. I believe it will continue because in this society we are indoctrinated to value a woman for vanity purposes, how she looks on the outside, not the quality of her character, the inside. 🤷🏼‍♀️. We are living through a relational, sexual and “gender” (😏) revolution so – – to stand back and judge yourself for learning new behavioral cues as they are being established is (…) you’re missing the point of what the zeitgeist is trying to teach you. Keep writing. Stay golden. 🙏🏾

  5. Great commentary. The only tricky thing about a situationship of any kind is when one person outgrows the situation. I’ve been in one where neither party was ready or interested in commitment at first, but one of us grew the ____ up, lol. Life changes and people evolve It is easy to not realize how the water is until it’s boiling. But it is up to us to hop out that pot when we do!

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