To Bloggers Who Want To Start BUT….

Blogger

If I had a dollar for everytime someone reached out to me to discuss their aspirations of becoming a blogger, I’d be rich AF right now. As a person that’s always open to sharing what I know, I’m usually elated to see people take heed of my advice and create these dope blogs and brands while others…. well they have created nothing but more excuses for themselves.

The hard part about doing anything is simply starting it. It is said that procrastination is derived out of fear, so to my fellow bloggers who want to start a blog yet keep dragging their feet, I ask… what are you so afraid of?

Here are some of the common excuses I hear and what you can do to combat them.

“I Just Don’t Have Time..”

Look. People make time for what they want to make time for. Learn how to properly plan. Plot out how many blog posts you want to drop a month. Keep a journal or your phone on you to jot down ideas and create drafts. Sometimes, you may have to wake up a little earlier or go to bed a little later just to get a post out. Time is what we make of it. The more time you spend saying you don’t have time is the time that could be spent writing a blog post.

 

“But I don’t have ______________”

When I first started blogging, I didn’t even have my own laptop. I used to go the friend’s houses, McDonald’s, the library, and Starbucks for wifi. I’m a firm believer in not letting what you don’t have stop you from accomplishing what you want to accomplish. You don’t have to have a fire logo yet or a professional web design. In the beginning stages, you probably haven’t figured out what you want your brand to be about and even if you have, I’m pretty sure you will revamp and rebrand as the years go on… but you gotta get started first. As long as you are consistent in the blogging world, you will get everything that you need.

 

“But EVERYBODY has a blog!”

Nothing new is under the sun, the difference is in the execution. Everybody and they mama may have a blog but everybody and they mama ain’t you. Even if you want to blog about common topics, nobody in this world is you which means that your perspective on things will be different than everyone else’s. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t even be worried about what someone else is doing. Once you stop dragging your feet, you can figure out what your niche is. But again, you have to start first.

 

“But I don’t know enough about blogging”

Nobody ever does in the beginning and truthfully, we all are figuring this thang out as we go along. We live in the age of information so whatever you want to know, is possible to know. There are so many workshops, webinars, youtube videos, Facebook groups, and established bloggers on social media that you can utilize. Try a few different resources and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Everything is trial and error in the blog world.

 

“It’s just not the right time…”

I learned this secret about people a long time ago: We never feel like there is a “right time” to do anything. We are our toughest critics, hardest judges. It’s one thing to want things done decently and in order, it’s another thing to obsess over every minor detail to the point where you prolong.

 

“I’m Just Scared..”

When you think about sharing something, it can indeed be scary. When you make the decision to become a blogger, You are opening yourself up to a world of criticism, a world of the unknown. You don’t really know who supports or is hating on you, (the latter doesn’t matter as long as they giving your blog a view) you don’t even know if people will like what you have to show or say. Blogs are nothing without an audience so it can be even scarier determining who yours is.

I know you’re scared but fuck it, do it anyway!

Why miss out on a chance to get better at something?

Why sit on your dreams?

Somebody out there needs to see/hear/watch what you have to say.

So do it.

Pretend you got some faith and walk out on it.

It’s scary as fuck putting yourself out there but I can personally say that after six years, it’s totally worth it.

With that being said, take these few things with you:

  • Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Fear is good. Fear is what makes us human. Fear should give us an adrenaline rush not paralyze us.
  • You are YOU. Yes everyone has a blog but nobody has a blog like YOU so start that thang. It’s a piece of the pie for all of us out here.
  • There is no such thing as L’s, only lessons learned. I’m not sure what your definition of success for your blog will be but even if you do “fail” you now how something to learn from. Remain open to learning.

 

Moral of the story, if you’re reading this and you wanna start that blog you’ve been dreaming of, then stop dragging your feet. 

XOXOXO,

Kia ♥♥♥♥

 

 

 

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#ShareItSundays: Let’s Talk About Sex by Tamika Ayers

Copy of Share It Sundays

Hey y’all, welcome to the second entry for #ShareItSundays. This post is from Tamika Ayers and originally appeared on tamikaayers.us

This blog takes readers through the sex conversation of the author and her spouse.

Initially, when I got engaged to my husband I was like “YES!! LEGAL SEX!! LET’S GOOOOOO!! No judgment zone! Do it do it do it!” I think I was more excited about that than I was about anything else. I mean to be preached at for all of your life that sex is for married people only; the desire to have it freely was mine for the taking!! YAAAASSSS GAWD!! That’s not how it suppose to be, but that’s what I was thinking, lol! As we got further along in our marriage, I realized I didn’t have that much experience sexually which had me a tad bit insecure. I wasn’t even sure that I was pleasing him despite the obvious evidence.

I mean, it wasn’t my first go around when it came to sex, but I wasn’t familiar with it enough to know what exactly I needed to do when it came to different positions, mindset, etc. I was a good kisser and I was relying on that HEAVILY, but um muh ruh… Sex was all the way different than kissing. And that one position everybody was doing became overly used. I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t sure he enjoyed it.

Yep. Talk about amateur. Like literally I was telling myself, I have got to try something new. Change this thang up a little bit. That required me to step out of my comfort zone and look… dumb! Okay maybe not dumb, but I had to jump out of my comfort zone. I struggled with this because I don’t like to embarrass myself and I don’t like to look stupid. If I do something, I need to be successful at it right then. No mess up zone!

 

There was a constant mental image in my head that IF I tried something new and my husband would be like “Girl what tha heck are you doing?”  I would cry my eyes out and be in quiet mode until I got my dignity back. So then I was like “What if he wouldn’t like my new moves or maybe my choice of lingerie?” He’s already told me that I couldn’t dance and my choice of lingerie needed less material, LOL! SIR, I AM SAVED AND SANCTIFIED! We don’t wear all of that in HOLINESS!! Yea… I was losing.

I mean to me, it had to be RIGHT. No mess ups. Everything had to be perfect and since the negative thoughts trumped the concept that this is my life partner so he wouldn’t judge my mess ups I just stayed in my good ol’ Hello Kitty cotton onesie (JUDGE ME NOT! They’re really warm, lol!), big T-shirts, and bonnet. Chiiiiiile… I needed to sleep comfortably, lol! I didn’t picture myself taking the reins in my sex life and letting him rest from dominating because… I NEVER DID and I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK CRAZY!

So I did the impossible and I asked him: “Do I satisfy you sexually?” and “What do you like?”

Believe it or not, talking about sex makes me feel sooo weird. Like I thought about it a lot, but having to actually talk about it made me shiver. So having this conversation with my husband was MAJOR for me. Initiating the conversation was that much more major. It was a moment of vulnerability (remember I hate vulnerable moments) because I had to be open to critique (if there were any) and I had to get out of the mindset of habit. I’m a creature of habit no matter how exciting life is. As blunt as my husband is, the conversation was AMAZING! I learned what he liked and what he enjoyed. I learned what he likes to see me in and what he zones in on. This then allowed me to try new things because I knew what I was working with. I had a foundation to build on that was developed by a single conversation. 

The conversation of what pleases you and what your husband desires is VERY important. The act of sex is pleasing the other partner, but you can’t go in there thinking it’s all about you. That selfish situation will have you fulfilled and your spouse starving for that fulfillment. This leaves the door open for other things and thoughts to manifest that shouldn’t. I’m not saying cheating is okay. It’s absolutely not okay. I do believe that we should do our best to not contribute to the temptation.

Be vulnerable.

Have the conversation.

In the words of my husband “We’ve got forever to go so let’s make this work!”

Tamika A.

Like what you read? Visit Tamika’s website at tamikaayers.us and follow her on Instagram and Twitter @iamtamika_ayers