Stop Asking Us Why We Wait

Untitled design (1)To start this off, I want to issue a trigger warning, because its been a minute since I’ve written about r*pe. As a victim   survivor of the circumstance myself, writing about it, reading about it is honestly just triggering as fuck.

Regardless, I can’t keep quiet and watch you all continuously tear down other survivors of the circumstance due to your own ignorance. Every week, I watch y’all spew hatred and place blame on EVERYONE except the person who did the actual crime. I watch y’all justify and defend and down right CAP for abusers left and right, simply because some have influence. Some have power. And some were your “role models” growing up.

Social media has literally been making my stomach turn for a number of incidents. From that Orange Bitch in the White House tweeting that if the accusations against Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh were true, then the accuser would have filed a police report 36 years ago, to y’all caping for Bill Cosby because he’s “old and blind”, enough is enough!

I’ve been wondering how could you all have the gall to even ask why women wait to report sexual assault, but maybe you are unaware and don’t understand how this works.

Maybe you are under the assumption that as soon as someone gets sexually violated, they then have the strength to go through the legal process and then boom, all is taken care of and the perpetrator is thrown in jail. And then the victim lives happily ever after.

I don’t expect y’all to be that dumb, but you know… if you’ve never been sexually assaulted before, then you deadass may not understand shit about shit, so that’s why it’s easy for you to spew your hatred and opinions.

Stop Asking Us Why We Wait 

Remember when Anita Hill accused Clarence Thomas? What did y’all do to her? What did y’all say about her? Remember when we publicly watched R.Kelly’s grown ass marry 15-year-old Aaliyah, piss on a 14-year-old girl, post up outside of Kenwood High School, and even to this day has some sort of sex cult going on, what did y’all say about those girls? Bill Cosby said it out his own mouth that he bought drugs for women so he could have sex with them, literally said it out his own mouth and y’all are STILL convinced that those women are lying.

I say all that to say that if we actually had a chance at being believed, then maybe we would report more. Did you know that out of every 1,000 sexual assaults that happen, 994 perps will walk free?

Stop Asking Us Why We Wait 

Did you know that 2 out of 3 sexual assault cases go unreported? I’m sure women and other people who were sexually assaulted would report more if they had more support. If only they were met with compassion and kindness. If some weren’t bullied into being quiet. Did you know that 7 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone known to the victim? So naw, contrary to what is publicized on TV and movies, a rapist is not someone waiting in the bushes waiting to get your ass.

In the #WhyIDidntReport hashtag, thousands shared their stories of being violated and staying silent about it. Fear, backlash, and even their own family members were the common reasons why so many choose to suffer in silence for so long. Some even place blame on themselves, wondering if they could have did or said something different would have stopped that heinous crime.

Stop Asking Us Why We Wait 

Did you know that out of all victims of sexual abuse, 34% are under the age of 12 while 66% are ages 12-17? That means that every 2 out of 3 kids in that age range that you know, 2 out of 3 of them may be victims of sexual assault. Concluding with this, 93% of perpetrators are known to the victim.

Imagine being a kid and being assaulted and not feeling comfortable enough to tell anyone because you know exactly who did it, or you feel like what happened to you was somehow your fault. Imagine the blame, actually being placed on you. I know exactly how it feels, because I was once that kid.

Stop Asking Us Why Wait 

At this point, I just wish y’all would just admit that y’all hate women and y’all don’t care that someone gets proper justice. Some of you have mentioned that all those women are lying and just want money, fame, etc. Y’all wonder why many only come forward when someone has reached a certain status of affluency. Y’all wonder why white men “don’t get convicted for the same crimes”

As I mentioned above, 994 perpetrators walk free when accused of sexual assault. So not only are people NOT REALLY going to jail for these crimes, but did you also know that only 2-8% of rapes are falsely reported? Yes, it’s true that some people do lie but it does NOT negate the fact that the number of unreported, non-convicted number is so high.

When women do report things in a timely manner, society condemns them no matter how young or old. The other day on Twitter, I watched y’all condemn someone for putting her drink down at a party for two seconds to hand her friend a napkin, and when she picked it back up there was a green pill floating in it. Instead of condemning the person that put it in her drink, y’all attacked her.

The message all of these incidents portray is that everything is our fault, we should be more careful, we should know more, we shouldn’t be trusting, we shouldn’t drink, or go outside or breathe at this point. Or we’ll get r*ped and if we say something it’s our fault. And if we don’t say something, it’s our fault. And if we say something years down the line, it’s our fault.

Why don’t y’all have this same energy for abusers? Not just the celebrity ones either, but the ones in your own neighborhood, in your friend group, at church, the ones in your own family?

Stop Asking Us Why We Wait 

I think the narrative should switch from “Why did it take her          years to reveal this?”

To

“It’s a shame that she had to suffer with this secret for         years, I am glad she’s receiving peace.”

Instead, y’all cap all day long on Al Gore’s internet and basically say that Black men shouldn’t get convicted of sexual assault because white men get away with it. What that says to me is, not only do you NOT give a fuck about women or justice but you also just simply want to be white because whiteness = power and y’all desire that shit so much.

I wish y’all had this same energy about the criminal justice system when we discuss how Blacks and Latinos are disproportionately locked up for shit like weed, meanwhile White folks go to Colorado and start weed farms. Now that is some shit to rant and rave about.

Stop Asking Us Why We Wait 

We will continue to wait until y’all start holding people accountable, and not just celebrities either. Your homies need to be checked and locked up for the creepy shit they do, too.

Until y’all stop protecting abusers.

Until y’all stop accusing anyone who speaks up as someone who is just trying to tear someone else down.

Until y’all actually know, learn, and understand what consent is.

Until y’all unlearn all the harmful messages about women’s bodies and the access you perceive you have to them.

Until you examine what in you makes you want to protect abusers so much.

Until you start believing, start supporting, and start providing safe spaces for those who speak up.

Until you learn basic empathy and compassion, even if you have never experienced sexual assault yourself.

Experiencing sexual assault is a literal nightmare. The least you can do is stop asking us why we wait.

P.S. To my survivors of the circumstance who may be reading this: I don’t care if you are 6 or 66, I believe you. I love you. And whether you choose to live in silence or use your voice loudly, I support you.

Praying for more empathy and understanding,

Kia ♥


Sources

http://time.com/5403230/donald-trump-tweets-sexual-assault-reporting/

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/whyididntreport-hundreds-of-thousands-confide-their-stories-of-rape-abuse/

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens

https://www.ourresilience.org/what-you-need-to-know/myths-and-facts/

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence

https://www.rainn.org/statistics/perpetrators-sexual-violence

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