Forgive You, Forgive You Not

I had this dream once.

A person who really hurt me sat me down, grabbed my hand, looked me deep in my eyes and apologized for everything they put me through over the years.

They profusely apologized, asking for verbal confirmation that I forgave them. In the dream, I didn’t say a word. I just stared into this person’s brown eyes and processed what they said.

And then, I woke up.

As much as I know bitterness is unbecoming, forgiveness is really hard for me. Especially when I love you. Especially when I trust you.

And yet, people fall short all the time and hurt us– whether it’s intentionally or not and then what? We are the ones left to pick up the pieces.

Picking up the pieces wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t feel confused about it all the time.

Why haven’t they came up with a word yet for when you’re in the in-between? In between holding a grudge and letting it go?

The space between the bitter taste of the past and the unknown of the future? The paranoia of the present. Will our souls ever be truly settled after betrayal?

Forgive You:

Does this mean I reconcile with you?

Does this mean I have to act distant towards you?

Does this mean it won’t ever happen again?

Why am I debating this shit anyway?

Maybe forgiveness would be easier if the dream I described at the beginning of this came true.

Forgive You Not

I’m comfortable here.

Bitterness is a defense mechanism for my vulnerability.

Sometimes, we all want something to hold over someone’s head…. especially if they ain’t verbally told us sorry.


If I don’t forgive you, who am I really hurting here? The answer is me.

The bottom line is this:

Forgiveness is an act of fearlessness.

Sometimes you’re not going to get an apology.

And that’s okay.

Life will go on. They will go on. And you too, will go on.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to reconcile.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you heal in the same environment you got sick in.

Let me say that again: FORGIVENESS DOESN’T MEAN YOU HEAL IN THE SAME ENVIRONMENT YOU GOT SICK IN. (I’m yelling because I am talking to myself)

With that being said, if you struggle with forgiveness like me, just understand that it is something that you will choose to do……

or not.

Let’s chat!

  1. What’s hard for you about forgiveness?
  2. Have you ever been in the in-between before?
  3. If you hold grudges, what makes you do so?
  4. Are you afraid to forgive because you’re afraid that you’ll be taken advantage of again?

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  1. What’s hard to forgive because it’s hard to let go of the hurt. Because for me I hold on to grudges because of the pain and the memories that still lingers on. And when I care about someone a lot and they do me dirty it’s hard for me to let go because like you said some of us like to hold things over our heads and for me it natural but it’s does hurt me in the end because it makes it seem like I haven’t fully healed. For me to forgive is getting that feeling from that person that they understand my pain and they learned from it to make them better and hopefully to receive that imaginary sorry. I have been in several situations that made me feel like I can never forgive but in order for me to truly heal and move on I definitely have to forgive them and really forgive myself for continuing that grudge feeling. Because it’s no longer about who hurt who anymore but rather about who growing from it and moving on.

  2. Forgiveness is difficult when it happens like in your dream ; sometimes they only really want to know you forgive them so they can sleep at night, not because they are truly sorry and want to make amends. They hurt because they hurt you and knowing that you’re ok now is the only way to kinda “take it back”.

  3. 1. I think it’s the uncertainty of if a person genuinely regrets abusing my trust.. If they truly understand the depth of how they have affected my relationship with myself, mentally and emotionally.. That’s what makes it hard to forgive someone..

    2. I feel like the in-between is a necessary phase because I don’t believe forgiveness is a straight-line action.. I feel like it’s levels to it and the biggest, most challenging level is the in-between level.. If you don’t go through a trial of questioning yourself, you may not have truly been affected by that person like you think you were.. No one relationship (intimate or not) is completely a straight-line so forgiveness shouldn’t be expected to be a straight-line either..

    3. I used to hold grudges but it took too much energy away from me to devote to people that didn’t hurt me and that truly loved me so I learned to channel that energy into something more positive and peaceful..

    4. Depending on the person, yes.. If it’s an intimate relationship that I still want to rekindle, then HELL YES!!! 😂😂😂 If it’s someone I can live without, then no, I’m good because that above me now.. It just truly depends on the person I’m choosing to forgive..

    This was a great article and I’m going to start following you more closely, Queen 💯🤙🏾

  4. 1. Forgiveness involves trusting that someone is genuine in their apology and regret (if you even receive one).. It’s hard to trust that they regret their actions and decisions.. It’s even harder to trust that they understand the impact they had and the role that they played in how my relationship with my mental and emotional is affected, short-term and long-term..

    2. I feel like the in-between is a necessary phase to go through.. I feel like no relationship (intimate or not) is a straight-line so the process of forgiveness shouldn’t be either.. If I don’t have a moment of in-between, then maybe I wasn’t as affected by them as I thought I was.. Maybe it was all bad or all good.. if that’s the case, the I can make a linear decision but most times, no relationship is linear so there are levels to forgiveness and I feel like the in-between is the most valuable one because it allows us to truly process our feelings that are good and bad and find a genuine medium of what helps us grow the most out of the negative space we may be in..

    3. I used to hold grudges but I realized that it took too much energy away from the people who DID care for me and love me, including myself, so I learned to channel that negative energy into more positive thoughts and actions that promote peaceful vibes and environments..

    4. If it’s an intimate relationship I want to rekindle, HELL YES!!! 😂😂😂 If it’s something I can live without, then I’m good because that above me now. Overall, it just depends on who I’m choosing to forgive..

    This was a dope article and I’ll definitely be following you more often.. Keep up the great work, Queen!! 💯🤙🏾

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