Have ya’ll ever met a mf that no matter what, it’s ALWAYS some shit going on in their lives? Like no matter what, you can always count on them for a wild story, wild situation, just complete CHAOS?
I got a confession though:
It’s me. I’m that person I just talked about above.
My name is Kia Smith, and I am addicted to creating chaos in my life.
It’s like when my life is a bit too peaceful or “boring” I’ll do shit just to keep it spicy…. which is well, sick.
Cuz what sane person would just purposely try to create mess in their lives as a form of entertainment and excitement?
Me and my therapist discuss this often….. I was born in chaos. Lived through chaos. Never really knew what peaceful times were and deep down inside, I may or may not be afraid to figure out what peace looks like for me.
So when things get a little too quiet…. I’ll purposely shake shit up.
But that creates an unhealthy cycle because once the fire burns everything, it is me who has to pick up the pieces. Ain’t no superheroes coming to save me.
One would think that if I know that, I wouldn’t create chaos.
But ya’ll know how the saying goes: A hard head creates a soft ass.
But…. I wanna do better. I wanna be better. My life is already difficult enough at times…. No sense in making it even harder right?
So where do I go from here, is the million dollar question.
A while ago on my Instagram, I posted a graphic about how peace is my new normal. This is a concept I learned in therapy. Essentially, it relates to this: Just because you’ve been accustomed to doing something a certain way or living your life a certain way, does not mean that you can’t change it whenever you want. This is called “creating a new normal”
Another thing I am learning is that I am deserving of a peaceful life. I don’t have to settle for the chaos I’m used to. So many of us choose to engage in chaos because deep down inside, we feel like we don’t deserve good things. But that’s simply not true.
It all starts with our beliefs, we have to change them in order to change the trajectory of our lives.
We do deserve all the goodness life has to offer us, we just have to actively choose it.
Speaking of choices, this brings me to my last point: I have to remember that I ALWAYS have the power to choose. I am in control of where I go, who I allow in my life, discussions I engage in, boundaries I want to maintain and cross, etc. It’s all on me, no one else. Every choice I make is followed by a consequence whether good or bad.
Breaking addictions is hard, doing the work is fucking hard.
All in all though, you gotta know that life doesn’t have to be chaotic all the time, it can be chill too and still worth living.
Since I wrote all this down though, I am committed to kicking this crazy addiction to chaos once and for all. Wish me well on my journey, I’m gonna need it.
- Are you guilty of creating chaos in your life? If so, why do you think you do it?
- If you removed all the self-inflicted chaos in your life, what would you replace it with?
- Do you think someone can actually kick an addiction to chaos? What are some tips you may have to manage it?