Is There Such Thing As A “Positive” Situationship?

The last time I wrote about situationships, I can honestly say that I was projecting my own feelings and not taking my own advice. Lol, what a comedy show!

Almost 3 years later, I can say that my feelings towards situationships has NOT changed, yet I now understand that everyone has different dating experiences, loves differently, and has different wants, needs, and expectations from people they choose to deal with.

Which got me to pondering: Everyone talks about situationships in such a negative matter and are usually traumatized by them (it’s me, I’m the traumatized one) but, has anyone ever had a positive situationship experience?

My Twitter followers gave me some pretty interesting answers:

As ya’ll can see, a lot of the same themes came up in order to make a situationship work: Honesty, transparency, and BOUNDARIES.

And ya know what? Kudos to those people and their positive experiences! Some of them said they are still really great friends with their “ex” (can you even call someone you used to be in a situationship with your ex?) and some just ended things gracefully when they found someone that they could see themselves being committed to.

I think situationships get such a bad rep because normally they are between two people who aren’t on the same page. In my experience, someone always catches feelings and may even want more because sex is a HIGH energy exchange and building bonds is very natural when you spend copious amounts of time with someone that’s consistent.

But somehow, the people who responded to me on Twitter made it work. So kudos to them!

As for me, ya girl tho….. Situationships AIN’T for me. I’m in a space in my life where I am trying to find wait on “my person” and I want something a bit more stable and committed. Like nigga, I wanna be your WOMAN, not somebody you just hella cool with and fuck on from time to time cuz “we don’t want nothing serious.” Those days are long behind me and to be honest, I was never with the shits lol. I settled for it, but that is another story for another day!

Needless to say, I am aware that dating and having sex with someone means different things for different people and I’m not mad at ya’ll!

At the end of the day, I just want us all to be in situations that make sense to us and redefine what dating looks and feels like– cuz the experiences should not, and do not have to be toxic all the time.

With that being said, as long as you not settling, I don’t care what you do lol.

Cheers to love and good sex, reciprocated energy and maturity in 2020!

-Kia


Talk to me though:

Have you ever had a positive experience being in a situationship?

If so, what did it teach you about yourself? How long did it last?

Would you do it again if given the chance? Why or why not?

What beliefs did you have about romantic relationships in the past that you no longer hold right now?

Did your situationship turn into something more serious, or did ya’ll part ways when the spark left?

Year 8: Make It Great

Happy New Year, my loves!

On the first of this month, I celebrated my 8th year as a blogger. Yeah, 8 whole years.

It is hard to describe what these past 8 years have been like, let alone feel like but I can assure you that I’ve come a long way from the 17-year-old that used to go by Kween K.

I’ve changed. And if you have been a reader of mine for a while, then you know this blog has changed too.

Sometimes we reject change. Sometimes we are resistant to it. But when it comes to this blog of mine, I embrace the changes. My words have helped me navigate and (sometimes grudgingly lol) embrace the changes of life and womanhood in general.

My words have healed both you and me these last few years.

My words have been a power source of motivation, inspiration, tenacity, and authenticity.

My words have helped me grow more comfortable with being myself.

My words have taken me places.


In year 7, I quietly accomplished a lot yet was the most visible and vulnerable I had ever been in years.

My annual self-love workshop was sold out.

I was a guest on 2 really great podcasts.

I published 1,000 blog posts.

I finally started selling merchandise.

I struggled and overcame and started healing for real in year 7.

I’ve always been a person who was aware that she had a voice, unafraid to share her opinion. But year 7 helped me step into my power.

Photos by Tye Moores | @photyegraphy

I’ll be honest with you all: Sometimes, I feel like I am behind. Managing your own brand and constantly growing it year after year isn’t easy. Sometimes I feel like I should be “much further along” and that has been said to me before.

But…. when I tell those negative voices to be quiet, I understand that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. This journey is mine, and no one else’s.

@photyegraphy

The number 8 represents balance, wisdom, and expansion. This is what year 8 for me is all about. 8 years in, how can I expand what I already have, yet gain more?

More importantly, what can you all expect from me this year?

The first thing you all should know is: This is my LAST blog post for a while. At least until my book that I am currently writing, is published. Stay tuned for more updates about that via my email list and on my social media. My book is slated to release in March and it is a part manifesto, part journal prompt about the journey of self-love. I am looking forward to becoming an author this year, it has been a dream of mine for as long as I could remember.

The second thing you can expect from me this year is another annual #WriteYourselfALoveLetterChallenge self-love workshop, coming in March. Every year it gets bigger, better, and more impactful and I am excited to share what I’ve been working on.

The last thing you can expect from me this year? Expansion.

Thank you God for the blessings in advance.

Cheers to year 8! Let’s make it great!