Today’s my 9th bloggerversary and, I thought I would have something more profound to say but the only word that can come to mind about that is “wow.”
Not just wow, I’ve been sharing my thoughts and words in the digital space for 9 years but wow, I also made it through 2020.
Navigating year 8 as a blogger was interesting to say the least because it called for me to expand and grow to be more than just a blogger, which I did… I just didn’t expect to grow and expand in the middle of a global health pandemic.
To that I say, WTF was 2020? This was the longest yet shortest year of my life. Ironically, I didn’t suffer at all, even though I experienced some normal highs and lows but for the most part… 2020 was sweet to me and I had plenty of wins. And it’s weird but I needed a year like this. I was so used to suffering and trying to survive and not really feeling like much of a winner, that it has surprised the hell out of me that I won so much in 2020.
For a little bit, I began to feel guilty. How can I smile so big, (safely) live my life, and accomplish so many great things while people suffered, died, went broke, became homeless, faced racially motivated violence and much more all in a course of 1 year.
My heart aches for them but at the same time, I deserved a year without suffering for once and I shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
As my reflection stares back at me, I realized that I was a winner all along.
And it’s crazy that it took a year like this to bring it out of me.
See, 2020 stripped me down. Made me bare my soul and have me 100% believe in me, rely on me, and have unwavering faith in my abilities.
2020 helped me balance my mental health and up my personal hustle.
2020 took away the familiarity of everything I once knew, and made me navigate this new normal with faith, even when I was scared.
2020 made me turn the ideas that were once in my head and heart into something tangible. I fulfilled a lifelong dream of becoming an author and simultaneously became an entrepreneur too because lay-offs from 9-5’s due to Miss Rona was VERY real for me.
2020 made me pause a lot. I was used to being on autopilot, experiencing one thing after another without really taking the time to process but this year changed that.
Not gonna lie, majority of that processing sucked. But once I got past my feelings, I realized once that it’s important to have time and space to think about what I feel, even if the feelings were uncomfortable.
2020 made me mature. I turned 26 this year and lots of big girl decisions had to be made. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had full control over how I wanted my life to go. Everything from deciding to take the entrepreneurial route, to deciding where I wanted to live, to deciding what actually made sense to me and removing what didn’t, 2020 helped me move my feet.
2020 taught me that life is short and that I might as well do everything in this lifetime that I want to do, because we never know when it’s our time to go. I say this because this year, I unfortunately lost a beautiful soul, a supportive person, and a incredible friend to gun violence. He was only 25 years old at the time of his death and left such a mark on this world.
Getting older makes mortality hit closer to home and I realized, you can truly be here one day and gone the next.
I decided to live.
All in all, I can say that 2020 was…. exactly the year I needed to become the exact type of woman I’ve always wanted to be. I haven’t even reached my peak yet and that’s what is exciting to me.
In year 9, I hope to accomplish more, love more, dream bigger, and do more of what I want to do.
Goodbye 2020. Cheers to ’21