Made Maven Leadership Summit Recap

Life is too short to belived counting the years.Enjoy the ride and makeamazing memories.Have a great birthday!

This isn’t just another story about how good God has been to me. This is also a story about how powerful Black women are when we link up, share our gems and consistently break barriers with our ambition, hard work, and faith.

To begin, I want you to ponder on this: Have you ever wanted to go to something or be somewhere but you just simply couldn’t afford it at that time? That’s how I felt seeing a bunch of people I follow on Instagram post about attending the Made Maven Leadership Summit. This event was a weekend-long celebration featuring a plethora of established women in the blogging, public relations, entrepreneurship and non-profit industry host workshops and more.

As we all know, I am currently NOT making a lot of money at my day job. I saw the ticket price and decided to pass it up….until the week before the event was to take place, someone from the PR team hit up my IG DM’s and asked if I would like to attend the event and cover it for my blog. TALK ABOUT DIVINE TIMING!!!!! TALK ABOUT GOD ALIGNING SOME SHIT! I was so happy and honored to do so.

So I did what any smart woman would do… I accepted the request and grabbed one of my homegirls and off to the Made Maven Summit we went!

A boomerang of me!

At this point, you’re probably wondering what this summit is and why it was so important for me to attend. Lucky for me and you, I got a chance to chop it up with Kris Christian, publisher of Made Maven.

A self-described serial-entrepreneur, Kris is a woman who wears many hats and wears them well. She is not only the CEO and Founder of Made-Magazine, she also plans high profile events through her company Fame Enterprises and just launched another company called Chicago French Press, which specializes in healthier and alternative ways to drink coffee.

Kris says that it was her own personal experience of being an entrepreneur that led her to create the summit. “I’ve always been ambitious and never believed in being tied to my background,” she says. “What I was seeing though, in working and hiring black women was the need to cultivate their skillset and connect them with the proper resources like mentorship.”

“I think a lot of times we’re looking for a figure like Oprah to influence our decisions or inspire us in some way when the reality is they’re not enough. So, do your OWN thing. Be your own Oprah or Beyonce in your OWN lane or career. Everyone doesn’t have to be an entrepreneur,” Christian said.

“For me, it’s really about giving women the confidence and practical tools to get there.” ~ Kris Christian

The Sessions 

Held at the beautiful Virgin Hotels in downtown Chicago, I went to a total of four sessions that ranged from PR tips to how to negotiate like a bad ass for that big corporate sponsorships some of us hope to get one day. Here’s a small recap of what I learned from each one.

When PR Pros and Bloggers Meet 

The best way for Bloggers and PR Pros to work well together is for both parties to do their research. You don’t want a person hitting you up for a collaboration on either end & what you’re trying to offer doesn’t align with what they’re about. Also, the best thing a blogger can offer their readers is authenticity. If something isn’t a good fit, don’t try to force it.

Get Information: Forming & Growing A 501C3 Foundation

This was a really dope session led by Donnie Smith, Co-founder and Executive Director of Donda’s House, a Chicago based organization that gives free access to the arts for youth.

She gave us a GREAT workbook that outlined everything we should know about starting a non-profit and was very transparent with some of her joys and challenges from running Donda’s House the past 5 years. Whatever sector you want to go in, Donnie suggested that knowing the ins and outs of them is most important, as well as having creativity and knowing what your in-house expertise is.

Capturing Audience: A Guide To Social Media Amplification

Led by Taylar Barrington, this session was all about being an influencer on social media and how to leverage that through diversifying content, fine-tuning messaging and how to attract the brands you want to work with. She broke it down into 3 tips which included

  1. Know Your Role ~ As a blogger or influencer, you are a service provider to your audience.
  2. Work Smart, Not Hard ~ Make the job of posting content easier so you can spend time being creative: utilize a content calendar, download different scheduling apps such as HootSuite, etc.
  3. Hack Your Growth ~ Utilize those business page features on Instagram people! They give you all types of analytics, the best time to post, demographic breakdown and you can even follow hashtag trends to get your posts to stand out more.

Pitch Perfect: Pitching To Win A Corporate Sponsorship

The last session I attended was led by Jetta Bates, an award-winning marketer who takes brands and businesses from good to great with her sharp analytical skills and influence. In this session, I learned all about asking for sponsorship from big companies and she gave us 3 key points to keep in mind.

  1. Be Clear About What The Sponsor Wants ~ Google their initiatives. Take note of their giving priorities.
  2. Be Clear On Who You Are Reaching ~ Think about the things your core audience consumes and tailor your proposal to that.
  3. Are You Benefitting Anybody? ~ She told us to think about what type of things are we giving back to our community.


Yours truly, posing in front of this super cute backdrop they had!

Needless to say, I had a really dope Sunday afternoon. I walked away more knowledgeable than I entered and learned about some resources to not only better myself and my own budding brand, but also the people around me too. ♥

For more information about the speakers, panelists, and sessions, visit


Recap From the #WriteYourselfALoveLetterChallenge Event

So, let me tell ya’ll how good GOD is!

When the ending of 2017 came around, like most people I started thinking about my goals and what I wanted for myself, my blog and my brand. The end goal of all of this is to become a full-time blogger, I want to be able to make money doing what I love while remaining impactful and authentic.

I’m a person who journals, so I wrote a few things down about how I wanted to leverage my blog to bring in income for me while continuing to work my full-time job. When I was in undergrad, I gained some experience in event planning and had been to a few blogger events myself.

So I was like…. Kia, this year you’re gonna have 3 successful events this year. The first one will be free just so you can see if you can do it. So then I started brainstorming about what type of event I wanted to have and my blog posts from the #WriteYourselfALoveLetterChallenge came to mind. I remembered that on Valentine’s Day of 2017 I was asked by The Women’s Center down in my college town to come and present the challenge to the community women who got serviced by the center. We talked about self -love, our struggles with it, and wrote love letters and poems to ourselves. Fast forward to graduating and moving back home to Chicago and I knew that my love letter event was the one I wanted to bring to life.

But of course, it wasn’t easy.

In fact, I’m convinced that great things don’t happen without a little mishap.

I had the original date set for February 10th. Until my lovely hometown of Chicago decides to have a damn SNOWSTORM. TALK ABOUT DEVASTATED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chile, I cried lol. I was so upset that my event couldn’t happen when I wanted it to happen. What made matters worse was that the venue I rented didn’t have any other available dates in February, so it wasn’t like I could just easily reschedule a week later.

I have a tendency to beat myself up when things don’t work out the way I intend them to but between God and my friends, I snapped out of it. I always find a solution… I just gotta be dramatic about it first lol.

My venue had an available date of March 3rd and I was comfortable with that because I figured, what better way to kick off my birthday month than to throw my very first event back home?

Another cool thing that happened was that a journalism student, by name of Anna Kook from the award-winning North Western Medill School of Journalism hit me up on Facebook and said that she wanted to cover my event for her class project.

I was in awe. I have no idea how she found me (thank you Internets) but I’m glad that she did. The event was amazing! We laughed, we cried, we drank hella wine and we wrote some beautiful love letters to ourselves!

Watch the video below and let me know what you think!

And don’t worry, more events are coming soon!


Kia ♥♥♥♥♥

3 Things I Learned From Lip Service Live


Moderator: Frankie Robinson of WGCI Radio & panelists.



This past weekend, I had the honor of attending the 24th annual Black Women’s Expo! Held at Chicago’s McCormick Center, this 3-day event is a celebration of Black Womanhood that features black-owned businesses, performances, and plenty of panel discussions and seminars.

On Sunday, I attended the Lip Service Live panel discussion which was moderated by WGCI’s Frankie Robinson, featuring Angela Yee of the Breakfast club, Charmaine Walker of Black Ink Crew Chicago, Phor of Black Ink Crew Chicago, Van Johnson of Chicagorilla, GiGi Maguire of Lip Service Podcast, Lore’l of Lip Service Podcast and doctors Maya Green and Toya O. from the Chicago Department of Health.

This seminar was unfiltered AF but that is to be expected. Everything from UTI’s, fellatio tips and vaginal myths busted was discussed. The audience and panelists were highly engaged with each other and while the attention was mostly on the celebrity panelists, the doctors impressed me the most.

Here are 3 things I learned from them to live our best happy and healthy, and unfiltered sex lives.

How do you prepare for intimacy?

We live in a world where many men are uncomfortable and straight up REFUSING to go to the doctor and get tested for STD’s. Panelist Dr. Toya said that it is important for men to do these things because most black women who contract HIV tend to do so from their heterosexual male partners. Dr. Maya said that “we need to make it okay for men to love their bodies and be sexually whole like women are.” and I couldn’t agree more! The doctors went on to say that the best way to prepare for intimacy is to go get tested with your partners, though special circumstances are considered such as one night stands. It was refreshing to be in a space where alternative lifestyles were considered and absolutely no shaming was going on.

PrEP can be taken by women as well.

6 out of 10 HIV cases are black women. PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) is an anti-viral drug that reduces your chance of contracting the disease. If you look at advertisements, you will see that PrEP is primarily marketed to and for gay men, but Dr. Maya cleared that misconception up. An audience member also had a question about why is there no cure for HIV yet a prevention and Dr. Toya answered and said that is because the HIV virus changes every time it replicates which makes it hard to cure. They did go on to say that PrEP is 90% effective and highly recommend for women to take it if they feel they may be at high risk for contracting HIV.

So, What exactly is squirting?

Recently on social media, I’ve seen debates about whether or not the hoopla around a woman squirting is actually just urine. Frankie Robinson joked and said that squirting is like a Long Island Iced Tea, you never know what exactly is in it. Dr. Maya and Dr. Toya cleared it up and said that squirting is simply urine mixed with a combination of liquids from the vagina. It is not to be confused with female ejaculation, which is the culmination of liquid from the vagina and can happen with or without an orgasm. The crowd went wild at that answer lol, I’m sure the answers cleared up a lot of misconceptions.

Want to see more of my recap of the Black Women’s Expo? Follow my Instagram @KiaSmithWrites for videos. Thank you so much to the Chicago chapter of Black Bloggers United for letting me share my coverage of this weekend long event!

Missed the expo in Chicago? No worries, the Black Women’s Expo is touring this year to Atlanta and Dallas, stay tuned to the website for dates.

To The Bloggers That Want To Quit

Quit Blog

To the bloggers that wanna quit, this one is for you.

I’ve been in this thang for 6 years and I’ve seen so many bloggers come and go. So many young ladies and men alike enter into this thang bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, probably inspired by social media famous bloggers like Blog Xilla, Karen Civil, and Necole Kane (when she was Necole Bitchie) to create a platform and then boom, get rich. The three I have mentioned became wealthy, influential, and famous off their platforms….. who wouldn’t want a piece of that?

Who wouldn’t want to get paid to do what they love? Be around celebrities? Travel on a whim? Go to these award shows?

But here’s a secret:

In order to do shit like that, it takes work… and it takes time.

That’s right. Work + Time.

Blogging is not for the faint of hearts. It’s not for those who seek instant gratification.

I’ve seen so many bloggers come and go these last few years. I myself have taken a few hiatuses and just LAST year, I wrote something about me questioning if I should stop writing cuz I felt like I wasn’t getting the recognition I felt like I deserved. I was sensitive back then, I’ve toughened up so much more now.

I said all that to say this: Whether you are a new blogger or a vet, understand that you’re going to have moments when you want to quit. The most common reasons are:

  • Lack of support
  • Wanting that instant gratification
  • Comparing yourself to other bloggers
  • Lack of consistency
  • Not defining your own version of success


And much more.

But have no fear, in my normal Kia fashion I am going to call you out on your shit but I’m also gonna encourage you. It needs to be more bloggers out here and I hate to see people start something and then just up and quit.

On Lack of Support & Wanting Instant Gratification

Look. Get this through your head, ESPECIALLY if you are new around here: 9 times out of 10 the people who share, support, and read your shit will NOT be your close friends and family. It could be a number of reasons behind that but understand that most of your support will likely come from a stranger.

Blame the internet.

Remember in my What’s Your Support Love Language post, when I said that if we focus on who isn’t clapping for us, we overlook the ones that are?

Stop looking for reasons to be upset and just blog!

Maybe your loved ones will come around and maybe they won’t.

Learn to be okay with either outcome.

On Comparing Yourself To Others

This is a world of instant gratification, I get it.

You see someone’s blog go viral and wonder why your shit doesn’t have that many views.

You see people like Karen Civil and wonder why you’re not as popular.

There are 2 very simple answers to this:

  1. You ain’t put that work in.
  2. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Don’t we know by now that social media is an illusion?

Successful people are STILL making sacrifices to achieve what they have, whether that is spending less time with their loved ones or dealing with the financial burden of funding all their dreams.

You’re comparing yourself to them when you could be using that energy to perfect your craft. You should be inspired by your fellow blogging peers, not envious.

Remember this: It takes time to build an audience and even what looks like overnight success typically isn’t.

On Not Defining Your Own Version of Success

You can’t model your success off someone else’s. Are you willing to put in the same amount of work?

Don’t even let others put their expectations on you, ESPECIALLY if they don’t have a blog themselves.

You also can’t let social media define what type of successful blogger you should be, that’s not fair to you.

It’s okay to draw inspiration from other bloggers but wanting to be like them is a whole other ballgame. Get you some paper. Ask yourself what does being a successful blogger look like for you? Write down your goals, standards, and expectations. Set them. Work towards them. Then exceed them.

On Lack of Consistency

Life gets in the way sometimes and I definitely understand. I also know that when you feel unsupported, constantly compare yourself to other bloggers, and don’t define your own version of success, you will have little to no energy to stay consistent with blog posts. The longer you stay inconsistent with blogging the easier it is to quit.

Maybe you become inconsistent because you thought this would be a breeze. Or you’re confused about what your niche is. Or maybe it’s something as simple as you not knowing how to balance your personal life with a schedule for producing content. But instead of quitting, you need to rest. You need to revamp, you need to figure it out. They say procrastination comes from fear so ask yourself what are you so afraid of and do the shit anyway!

Moral of the story:

Blogging is tough, but it’s not impossible to do. Even if you feel like you don’t have all the tools you need to succeed as a blogger, you have two options: Seek it out or create it yourself.

But what you can’t do is give up on yourself by quitting when you realized this is tougher than it looks.

Rest if you must but quitting is not an option.

Get back to blogging beloved,

Kia ♥♥♥♥♥♥

To Bloggers Who Want To Start BUT….


If I had a dollar for everytime someone reached out to me to discuss their aspirations of becoming a blogger, I’d be rich AF right now. As a person that’s always open to sharing what I know, I’m usually elated to see people take heed of my advice and create these dope blogs and brands while others…. well they have created nothing but more excuses for themselves.

The hard part about doing anything is simply starting it. It is said that procrastination is derived out of fear, so to my fellow bloggers who want to start a blog yet keep dragging their feet, I ask… what are you so afraid of?

Here are some of the common excuses I hear and what you can do to combat them.

“I Just Don’t Have Time..”

Look. People make time for what they want to make time for. Learn how to properly plan. Plot out how many blog posts you want to drop a month. Keep a journal or your phone on you to jot down ideas and create drafts. Sometimes, you may have to wake up a little earlier or go to bed a little later just to get a post out. Time is what we make of it. The more time you spend saying you don’t have time is the time that could be spent writing a blog post.


“But I don’t have ______________”

When I first started blogging, I didn’t even have my own laptop. I used to go the friend’s houses, McDonald’s, the library, and Starbucks for wifi. I’m a firm believer in not letting what you don’t have stop you from accomplishing what you want to accomplish. You don’t have to have a fire logo yet or a professional web design. In the beginning stages, you probably haven’t figured out what you want your brand to be about and even if you have, I’m pretty sure you will revamp and rebrand as the years go on… but you gotta get started first. As long as you are consistent in the blogging world, you will get everything that you need.


“But EVERYBODY has a blog!”

Nothing new is under the sun, the difference is in the execution. Everybody and they mama may have a blog but everybody and they mama ain’t you. Even if you want to blog about common topics, nobody in this world is you which means that your perspective on things will be different than everyone else’s. As a matter of fact, you shouldn’t even be worried about what someone else is doing. Once you stop dragging your feet, you can figure out what your niche is. But again, you have to start first.


“But I don’t know enough about blogging”

Nobody ever does in the beginning and truthfully, we all are figuring this thang out as we go along. We live in the age of information so whatever you want to know, is possible to know. There are so many workshops, webinars, youtube videos, Facebook groups, and established bloggers on social media that you can utilize. Try a few different resources and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Everything is trial and error in the blog world.


“It’s just not the right time…”

I learned this secret about people a long time ago: We never feel like there is a “right time” to do anything. We are our toughest critics, hardest judges. It’s one thing to want things done decently and in order, it’s another thing to obsess over every minor detail to the point where you prolong.


“I’m Just Scared..”

When you think about sharing something, it can indeed be scary. When you make the decision to become a blogger, You are opening yourself up to a world of criticism, a world of the unknown. You don’t really know who supports or is hating on you, (the latter doesn’t matter as long as they giving your blog a view) you don’t even know if people will like what you have to show or say. Blogs are nothing without an audience so it can be even scarier determining who yours is.

I know you’re scared but fuck it, do it anyway!

Why miss out on a chance to get better at something?

Why sit on your dreams?

Somebody out there needs to see/hear/watch what you have to say.

So do it.

Pretend you got some faith and walk out on it.

It’s scary as fuck putting yourself out there but I can personally say that after six years, it’s totally worth it.

With that being said, take these few things with you:

  • Everything you want is on the other side of fear. Fear is good. Fear is what makes us human. Fear should give us an adrenaline rush not paralyze us.
  • You are YOU. Yes everyone has a blog but nobody has a blog like YOU so start that thang. It’s a piece of the pie for all of us out here.
  • There is no such thing as L’s, only lessons learned. I’m not sure what your definition of success for your blog will be but even if you do “fail” you now how something to learn from. Remain open to learning.


Moral of the story, if you’re reading this and you wanna start that blog you’ve been dreaming of, then stop dragging your feet. 


Kia ♥♥♥♥




#ShareItSundays: Let’s Talk About Sex by Tamika Ayers

Copy of Share It Sundays

Hey y’all, welcome to the second entry for #ShareItSundays. This post is from Tamika Ayers and originally appeared on

This blog takes readers through the sex conversation of the author and her spouse.

Initially, when I got engaged to my husband I was like “YES!! LEGAL SEX!! LET’S GOOOOOO!! No judgment zone! Do it do it do it!” I think I was more excited about that than I was about anything else. I mean to be preached at for all of your life that sex is for married people only; the desire to have it freely was mine for the taking!! YAAAASSSS GAWD!! That’s not how it suppose to be, but that’s what I was thinking, lol! As we got further along in our marriage, I realized I didn’t have that much experience sexually which had me a tad bit insecure. I wasn’t even sure that I was pleasing him despite the obvious evidence.

I mean, it wasn’t my first go around when it came to sex, but I wasn’t familiar with it enough to know what exactly I needed to do when it came to different positions, mindset, etc. I was a good kisser and I was relying on that HEAVILY, but um muh ruh… Sex was all the way different than kissing. And that one position everybody was doing became overly used. I enjoyed it, but I wasn’t sure he enjoyed it.

Yep. Talk about amateur. Like literally I was telling myself, I have got to try something new. Change this thang up a little bit. That required me to step out of my comfort zone and look… dumb! Okay maybe not dumb, but I had to jump out of my comfort zone. I struggled with this because I don’t like to embarrass myself and I don’t like to look stupid. If I do something, I need to be successful at it right then. No mess up zone!


There was a constant mental image in my head that IF I tried something new and my husband would be like “Girl what tha heck are you doing?”  I would cry my eyes out and be in quiet mode until I got my dignity back. So then I was like “What if he wouldn’t like my new moves or maybe my choice of lingerie?” He’s already told me that I couldn’t dance and my choice of lingerie needed less material, LOL! SIR, I AM SAVED AND SANCTIFIED! We don’t wear all of that in HOLINESS!! Yea… I was losing.

I mean to me, it had to be RIGHT. No mess ups. Everything had to be perfect and since the negative thoughts trumped the concept that this is my life partner so he wouldn’t judge my mess ups I just stayed in my good ol’ Hello Kitty cotton onesie (JUDGE ME NOT! They’re really warm, lol!), big T-shirts, and bonnet. Chiiiiiile… I needed to sleep comfortably, lol! I didn’t picture myself taking the reins in my sex life and letting him rest from dominating because… I NEVER DID and I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK CRAZY!

So I did the impossible and I asked him: “Do I satisfy you sexually?” and “What do you like?”

Believe it or not, talking about sex makes me feel sooo weird. Like I thought about it a lot, but having to actually talk about it made me shiver. So having this conversation with my husband was MAJOR for me. Initiating the conversation was that much more major. It was a moment of vulnerability (remember I hate vulnerable moments) because I had to be open to critique (if there were any) and I had to get out of the mindset of habit. I’m a creature of habit no matter how exciting life is. As blunt as my husband is, the conversation was AMAZING! I learned what he liked and what he enjoyed. I learned what he likes to see me in and what he zones in on. This then allowed me to try new things because I knew what I was working with. I had a foundation to build on that was developed by a single conversation. 

The conversation of what pleases you and what your husband desires is VERY important. The act of sex is pleasing the other partner, but you can’t go in there thinking it’s all about you. That selfish situation will have you fulfilled and your spouse starving for that fulfillment. This leaves the door open for other things and thoughts to manifest that shouldn’t. I’m not saying cheating is okay. It’s absolutely not okay. I do believe that we should do our best to not contribute to the temptation.

Be vulnerable.

Have the conversation.

In the words of my husband “We’ve got forever to go so let’s make this work!”

Tamika A.

Like what you read? Visit Tamika’s website at and follow her on Instagram and Twitter @iamtamika_ayers

#ShareItSundays: Stay Woke

Editor’s Note: Welcome to the first installment for #ShareItSundays, a guest posting opportunity for those that have a story to tell. Submissions can be submitted either publicly or anonymously to

With that being said, welcome to #StayWoke, anonymously submitted by one of my readers. This post has been lightly edited for grammar.

  I hope you enjoy!

Read More »

The Fear of Winning


Dear you reading this,

Yes, you.

Are you feeling stagnant?

Hate your current job?

Find yourself complaining more than usual?

If you answered yes to anything above, the reason you are feeling what you’re feeling could be for one or two reasons: 1) You are miserable because you are not walking in your purpose and 2) You have a fear of winning.

“But of course I want to win Kia, wtf are you talking about?” you indignantly thought or said to yourself. You probably rolled your eyes too.

But look, I don’t believe you.

In the age of social media, looking like you are winning or the idea of winning is far more appealing than the process you have to go through to achieve those wins.

While working towards a win, somewhere along the line you realized “Oh shit. This is gonna take more work than I bargained for.” It is often said that to whom much is given, much is required. I think that’s in the Bible somewhere.

I won’t harshly judge you because I’ve been in this exact same space before. Hell, on some days I am still in it. I have been so afraid of my own greatness that I did everything I could to avoid walking in my purpose. Downplaying myself and everything, it was a sad sight to see.

The fear of winning doesn’t necessarily come from you doubting yourself. It actually comes from you believing in yourself so much that you now realize that you gotta move differently. You might have to cut some toxic people and things off, you gotta make a few sacrifices to get what you want.

Most importantly, you have to undergo a process that is less than glamorous and will more than likely take a toll on you.

But just because it takes a lot of work to win doesn’t mean that you are incapable of winning.

If it was easy, would it still be worth it to you?

My 2018 mantra is to believe in myself no matter what and do the shit that scares me because I will either WIN or I will LEARN.

Repeating that mantra and literally using my fear to propel me forward is what is helping me be a little less scared of winning. Other things that help me are these 3 keys:

1. The energy you use to complain about your current situation is energy that could be used in focusing how to win.

You can’t win without working, I don’t care what social media tells you. Work with purpose, work diligently, work with vigor and fearlessness. Just don’t complain (at least not too much) because once those wins start coming in, remember that this is what you wanted.

2. It is okay to say no to things that don’t align with your purpose

We were not put on this earth to simply work a job just to survive, pay bills, and die. Cover your ass of course, but also find things that will help you along your journey even if it is just temporary. This may be my extreme optimism kicking in, but find a way to make every situation work and win for you. And if it does not, say no to it and walk away.

3. You deserve to win

Are you afraid to win because a part of you feels like you don’t deserve it? I struggle with this too. But guess what, you do deserve to win. When you have gifts and talents, you should share them with the world. We have to learn to give ourselves more grace. To clap for ourselves. To continue to work hard and revel in our victories and success. Like I tell one of my homegirls all the time, “You deserve all the good things.”

You deserve all the good things, pal.

You deserve all the good things.

It won’t be easy of course, but I can guarantee that it will be worth it.

The wins are always worth it.


Have you ever been scared of winning before?

How do you combat the fear?



What’s Your Support Love Language?

What_s your Support love language_

S U P P O R T.

The word that everybody throws around, but do we know what it truly means? What does it look like? What does it feel like?

If you support me, then I support you. However, even if you don’t support me BUT I rock with what you’re doing, then I will STILL support you. For example, I love and support the hell out of Beyonce, but sis and I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting yet. Am I supposed to stop supporting Queen Bey just because she doesn’t like my pictures on IG or retweet one of my blog posts?

My support isn’t really contingent on what someone else is or is not doing.

I support because I simply love to see people win.

I support because support is one of the easiest (and usually most free) things you can give to somebody.

I support because that’s genuinely who I am as a person. Ask my mama and all my friends.

Something we all have to understand about support is that sometimes it’s not directly reciprocated from the ones we support.

If you get caught up in who is or who is not clapping for you, you will miss out on who actually is clapping for you, even if it’s just a few.

I am a firm believer in that all you need is a small tribe of people who really fuck with you because those are the people who will believe in you and push you when you find it difficult to believe in yourself.

When seeking to give or receive support, ask yourself a few questions:

Am I supporting this person because I want to be acknowledged for it?

Am I supporting this person because when the time comes, I want this person to directly reciprocate it back to me?

Am I supporting this person because I believe in them and care about what they are doing?

Am I supporting just because that’s who I am as a person?

There is no right or wrong answer to those questions. Just self-reflect and move forward accordingly.

To help with that, you need to figure out your love language for support and how to effectively communicate them. In other words, how do you want others to show they support you?

F O R  M E:

In my normal love language, I adore words of affirmation, whether I am giving them or receiving them. Naturally, being uplifted or encouraged by friends, family and strangers alike is a great way to show that you support me. I also like when people listen to my ideas or if they are able to physically show up to things that matter to me. Being supported on social media is special to me as well. Every like, retweet, etc. does not go unnoticed and is sooo appreciated.

F O R  O T H E R S:

Some people like to be supported by you helping them with something (acts of service) such as helping them set up a space for an event. Other people may feel supported when you buy something they are selling (receiving or giving gifts). Some may like it when you are a physical shoulder to cry on (physical touch).


1. Nobody is obligated to support you

This is a hard pill to swallow but it doesn’t make it any less true.We have to remember that support is earned, not given and that our friends and family may have different interests outside of what you’re doing.

Ask yourself would you rather people support you just for the hell of it? Or do you want them to support you because they believe in what you’re doing?

Whatever your answer, please remember this: Nobody is obligated to so remember that when you find yourself getting upset at something.

2. Focus on the love, never the hate

We focus too much on who isn’t clapping for us. I think it’s because we are our own biggest and worst critics and we know that we work so hard that when support doesn’t come from the people that we expect it to, we deflect that hurt by focusing on who isn’t supporting us. It hurts the most when it’s friends and fam who don’t support because we set these expectations in our head that they are obligated to believe in our dreams (refer back to #1). I couldn’t name one person who isn’t supporting me because I simply don’t care. I don’t give my energy to it to nor do I rack my brain in trying to figure out why. The love always outweighs the lack of support and even the hate. Focus on that and remain grateful.

3. Support is like karma, it eventually comes back around

It may not be reciprocated by who poured it into you, but support will ALWAYS come back full circle. Understand that you will reach the audience that you are meant to reach. There will be people who understand and believe in what you are doing and support you effortlessly.

*4. Some people won’t support you simply cuz it’s you… and that’s okay!

Understand that you, your brand, whatever you’re selling isn’t for everybody. Sometimes, no matter how dope you are, some people will never bring themselves to give you props. Understand that you whether or not you receive criticism or praise, you will be STRAIGHT no matter what! Maybe they are a hater. Maybe they aren’t interested in what you have going on. Maybe they just don’t like you… but they will pay attention to everything you do. Don’t seek support from those type of people… you’re better off without it.

With that being said….

Talk to your people man, Figure out your love language for support and communicate that. Figure out a way that you can express it for others who need a support love language too.  And may it be reciprocated in ways you couldn’t imagine.


Kia ♥




The Year of No

The Year of

I wouldn’t exactly call myself a people pleaser, but I have bent my boundaries one too many times than I’m comfortable with for people that I love, care for or simply even like. 

Alright fuck it, I’m a people pleaser. And it’s hard for me to say no.

After getting pissed off by someone I hold near and dear to my heart, I decided to do some self-reflecting. I had to question some things:

  • Why am I afraid of saying no?
  • Why do I like to bend my boundaries?
  • What approval am I seeking and WHY?
  • When will this madness end?

Then I was like fuck it. 2018 is going to be my year of NO.  This post has nothing to do with the person who pissed me off (though I do thank them for inspiring this tweet that led to this blog post) but more so in waking up and realizing that if I want continued peace (cuz I’ve been feeling hella peaceful lately) then I have to stop playing around and say NO more.

So let’s get to it.

No, You Ain’t Gone Drain Me

This year, and every year after this, I refuse to let toxicity in my life. If you are someone I love and care about, you can’t be around me if you are causing me pain or putting more on me emotionally than I can bear.

I’m not having the same arguments anymore, I refuse to let life get sucked out of me. I’m NOT going through the same drama. In the year’s prior, I let too much slide. That’s dead now. Absolutely no more draining me.

No, You Ain’t Gone Mistreat Me

How can you claim to care about me yet in the same instance treat me bogus? Before you attach yourself to me, be honest and ask yourself what are your intentions with me? I’m not perfect at all but I am still worthy of being treated right. If you have ever mistreated me, ask yourself would YOU like if I treated YOU how YOU treat me? Family, friend or foe, there will be NO mistreatment of Miss Smith in 2018 and beyond.

No, I’m not fucking with you if our goals and visions don’t align

I’ll start with this: If someone has brought my name up to work with, then I am honored, grateful and extremely flattered to be considered.


If we have NO type of relationship, then why on earth would I spend my time, my energy, my ideas, or exchange my labor for free? Or more importantly, when our goals and visions don’t even align? When what you have going on and what I have going on don’t even relate?

I can fuck with what you’re doing without having to be directly involved. Support from a distance is a real thing.

No, You Won’t Make Me Feel Bad For Saying No

As a former   current  people pleaser, I hate to tell people no. But shit, if I want to keep the peace then that’s what I’m going to have to start doing. If I had to choose between my peace and pleasing others, I’ll take my peace for 500 Alex! It starts small. No, I don’t wanna come out. No, I can’t spend money on that. Just no. And I will stop feeling bad every time I can’t do something or don’t want to do something. The answer is no. Period.

Moral of the story… NO is a complete ass sentence. Respect it.


New year, New boundaries!

What are some things you’re saying no to this year?