Forgive You, Forgive You Not

I had this dream once.

A person who really hurt me sat me down, grabbed my hand, looked me deep in my eyes and apologized for everything they put me through over the years.

They profusely apologized, asking for verbal confirmation that I forgave them. In the dream, I didn’t say a word. I just stared into this person’s brown eyes and processed what they said.

And then, I woke up.


As much as I know bitterness is unbecoming, forgiveness is really hard for me. Especially when I love you. Especially when I trust you.

And yet, people fall short all the time and hurt us– whether it’s intentionally or not and then what? We are the ones left to pick up the pieces.

Picking up the pieces wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t feel confused about it all the time.

Why haven’t they came up with a word yet for when you’re in the in-between? In between holding a grudge and letting it go?

The space between the bitter taste of the past and the unknown of the future? The paranoia of the present. Will our souls ever be truly settled after betrayal?

Forgive You:

Does this mean I reconcile with you?

Does this mean I have to act distant towards you?

Does this mean it won’t ever happen again?

Why am I debating this shit anyway?

Maybe forgiveness would be easier if the dream I described at the beginning of this came true.


Forgive You Not

I’m comfortable here.

Bitterness is a defense mechanism for my vulnerability.

Sometimes, we all want something to hold over someone’s head…. especially if they ain’t verbally told us sorry.

But…

If I don’t forgive you, who am I really hurting here? The answer is me.


The bottom line is this:

Forgiveness is an act of fearlessness.

Sometimes you’re not going to get an apology.

And that’s okay.

Life will go on. They will go on. And you too, will go on.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to reconcile.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you heal in the same environment you got sick in.

Let me say that again: FORGIVENESS DOESN’T MEAN YOU HEAL IN THE SAME ENVIRONMENT YOU GOT SICK IN. (I’m yelling because I am talking to myself)

With that being said, if you struggle with forgiveness like me, just understand that it is something that you will choose to do……

or not.


Let’s chat!

  1. What’s hard for you about forgiveness?
  2. Have you ever been in the in-between before?
  3. If you hold grudges, what makes you do so?
  4. Are you afraid to forgive because you’re afraid that you’ll be taken advantage of again?