2023

…Was not at all the year I imagined for myself, but perhaps it was exactly the year I needed to discover new things about myself while simultaneously reminding me of who I am and the innate power that I possess.

Like everyone, I approached the year with optimism. The declaration that 2023 would be MY year and that everything I put on my vision board and spoke out of my mouth would come to fruition. Ain’t no harm in being this ambitious, but I was comfortable. I was comfortable with who I was, what I was doing, and who I was doing it with. Sure, I had challenges but I knew exactly how to navigate and overcome them. I knew exactly who to rely on, confide in, and how to straight up detach some days when life began to be too much to deal with at times. While there is nothing wrong with comfort, I subconsciously began to question what truly grows within the comfort zone.

As the stars aligned and my Saturn return began, life soon changed and uppercut me with no warning — at least, not any warnings that I paid close attention to.

Right hook.

Left hook.

Uppercut again.

And then a haymaker that knocked me flat on my ass!

By April, I was stripped of everything that I once knew. Plenty of times, I found myself looking around for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of the bushes and cut the cameras — I knew that I was getting Punk’d. The other times, I found myself looking straight up to the sky, asking God why me and not my enemies.

Baby, I was pissed but even worse — some of it was my own doing. So I was doubly pissed at myself more than anything.

On the other hand, some things were truly inevitable. All I knew was that my heart was shattered, and my mental health was hanging on by a thread. Ironically, two of my goals for 2023 were to get closer to God and get back into therapy; I just didn’t know that life would whoop me so bad that I had to stand on business and do both, lol. Once the foundations that I spent the last decade of my life building crumbled right before my eyes, I watched myself turn into a shell of the woman I once was. All the while resisting the change that was happening, with or without me. We can blame this trait on me being extremely stubborn, and I will fight tooth and nail for things to go my way until I have no choice but to surrender.

So, I spent some months yearning for my old life back, despite having the knowledge that who I once was couldn’t come with me to where I was going. In the stages of grief, one of the stages is bargaining— you better believe that I was begging God to let me have my old life back, and when I felt like God wasn’t listening to me, I plotted on it. In hindsight, I’m so glad God isn’t a goofy or for foolishness because instead, God gave me the strength to move forward, even when it hurts. It hurt so bad that I just knew that death would be better than swimming in my feelings every day and night.

Whole time, God was giving me a chance to create a new me.

Never one to back down from a challenge, I put one foot in front of the other and got to know the new me. And it turns out, I like her MORE than I liked the me I was for the previous decade. Brick by brick, I pieced myself back together and did the most important thing I could’ve done in this journey, which was give myself permission and freedom to move forward.

Finally, I allowed 2023 to be the catalyst for my rebirth.

One that is still ongoing, but I can’t ignore the changes I’ve made. And as one who loves to celebrate the big and small things, I’m going to clap for myself because clawing your way out of darkness and confusion ain’t easy. Anyone else in my position would have folded. I know I wanted to plenty of times.

I know that 2023 was only the preview for the hard road that’s ahead but now that I know what I’m against, I’m suited up in armor to tackle 2024 and beyond head on.

2024 will come with even more transformation, but it will also come with blessings, joy, and strength.

I am no longer resistant to what my future holds.

I’m no longer in the space where I want to hold on to things that no longer support the evolution of who I am. And I’m no longer bitter about what didn’t work out, who stopped being my friend, or what happened that was beyond my control. Instead, I take each interaction for what it was and smile big, knowing that I gave my all and learned what I needed to in that lifetime.

2024 will be one for the books, and I’m so happy to be the co-author.

God bless you all. Wassup 2024?